Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Miscellaneous Ramblings...

See, I am getting better about this! Posting two days in a row, aren't you proud?? There are many topics to cover since I am such a slacker!

First and foremost our precious little Addie. Can you believe that she is already 5 months old?? I don't know where the time has gone. Part of me is so excited to watch her grow and the other part of me wants her to stay this little and innocent forever. A sure sign that she is growing up? As of today she is no longer the youngest infant in her class at daycare :-( I don't know why, but that makes me really sad. She has started eating baby food. So far she likes bananas, peaches, sweet potatoes, and carrots. Last night I broke down and tried some of the "green" stuff - I'm sorry, but that just about made me gag! Well low and behold - she liked it! Maybe that fact that she doesn't have my genes is good in this case. Meat and potatoes are more my thing, but I have branched out some. After 3 ear infections, resistent to antibiotics, in just 6 weeks, we decided tubes were the right way to go. We are lucky in the fact that I work for a major health system and that I work directly with the ENT physician who did her surgery. It really put me at ease to know what good hands she was in. All in all she did good, although coming out of the anesthesia was a different story. She screamed for about 2 hours straight. Yes, it just about broke my heart. The day of the surgery she was pretty puny, but the next day she was like a whole new child. She "talks" so much more now - yeah, probably because she can actually hear! It really makes me feel like we made the right decision. Addie is such a great child and is starting to develop such a cute little personality. We could just sit and stare at her for hours (and often do). Life has a whole different meaning now that she is part of it.

Infertility will always be a part of my life. Sometimes it rears its ugly head when I least expect it. As much as my life has changed, that pain will always be there in some form and I will never forget what it is like to "be in the trenches". My pep talk for those of you still fighting the fight, don't ever give up on your dream! If it is what you want, you will get there...it just may not necessarily be the path you expected to take. While I was always open to the idea of adoption, I truly never thought it would get to that point. We had decided on at least 3 IVF cycles, of course at least one of them had to work. Two positive pregnancy tests, of course one of them had to stick. Well we all know how that turned out. Everything happens for a reason, I am now a firm believer in that. October is a very significant month for us - it is the month where I had my first miscarriage (twins) - it is the month that I would have been due had the second pregnancy stuck - and it is the month that we became a "Forever Family" when we brought our sweet little girl home.

What helped me immensely to get through the difficult times was to participate in a local Mind/Body group that is based off of the book Conquering Infertility by Alice Domar, PhD. I can't recommend this enough! Through it I learned to deal with stress much better than I ever had before and I formed an amazing friendship with two of the women I met in that class. It helps to have other women close to you going through the same thing that you can really talk to, cry to, yell to, vent to...it is true that while people not having experienced the joys of IF, can be very sympathetic - they can just never understand fully what you are dealing with. I would have never made it through some of my darkest times without these two women. To my surprise, the leader of our Mind/Body group contacted me last week and has asked my husband and I to come and speak to her new group about our experience with adoption. Wow, how weird it will feel to be on the other side! I remember so clearly sitting in their seats almost a year ago and looking at the couple that spoke to us, wondering if I would ever get there. While I do feel honored that she asked us, I also feel that it is a great responsibility - will I say the right thing? will I convey to them that I do know how it feels...I haven't forgotten what it's like? what will they think of the choices we made/or didn't make? Overall though, I am very excited about speaking to the group. I want them to know and see that there will be a happy ending.

Wow, I had a completely different direction for this post than where it ended up...but again, that is just one of those things IF does to you I guess?

5 comments:

JJ said...

So glad you ARE on the other side, Angi.
I would love to know more about this group you are a part of--as Mook and I are just beginning the stages of looking into adoption, Im anxious to hear more about the process. Since we are around the same area of NC, can you email me more info? Thanks! reprojeans@gmail.com

katd said...

They do grow up so fast, don't they? Our Lily is ONE tomorrow, and I'm not sure how in the world it happened! You're totally not alone in feeling a little sad about them growing up:)
I love what you post here about getting through infertility. I'll never forget being in the "trenches," but there is so much healing that comes through holding your baby isn't there :)

Anonymous said...

Delurking to say....thanks! I too don't know how I would have made it through some days w/o the friendship we formed through the mind/body class. The healing that has come from our many dinners, gripe sessions and knowing that there is someone who really understand is invaluable. Thank you my friend, thank you!

Elizabeth said...

You will be a great speaker at the mind/body group!

Chris said...

Thanks so much for this post! Whenever I need a boost in spirit from life here in the trenches your blog is where I come. Thanks for such a great reminder that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that one day all will seem right in the world.