One month old...where does the time go??

Our sweet Addie Grace is now 1 month old. Techinically at the time of this post she is 5 weeks, 3 days old. Needless to say she is pretty much taking all of my time, but I am loving every minute of it. I hope to post the full story very soon. We definitely had a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!

Welcome Home! Addison "Addie" Grace Gibbs

We picked up our beautiful baby girl, Addison "Addie" Grace Gibbs today. The last 7 days have been a whirlwind to say the least! I will post more details soon...here are her beautiful pictures!

The Stork Has Been Found!

If any of you are still with me (since I am such a slacker at posting)...stay tuned for an exciting announcement later today...

Moving forward...

After our last BFN we needed some time to regroup, grieve, and figure out what in the world we were going to do. So now, 6 weeks later, we have finally picked ourselves up and are moving forward with adoption. It has been really hard facing the fact that most likely we will never have a biological child. Our RE didn't make it any easier by telling us that in a letter and giving us the phone number for an adoption agency, yes in a letter. What an ass! Needless to say we requested our records and never plan to step foot in that place ever again. I digress... We have been doing research on different agencies in the area and talked to a couple of people who have adopted through those agencies. Yesterday we had a consultation with an agency and Hunter and I both felt really "at home" there. We really liked what they had to say and their processes. After walking out of there we felt we had found the right place. So today we officially signed up with them! It is so exciting to be moving forward on a path that we know will end in us bringing home a baby. Granted, it may be two years from now, but there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. Out first parenting class is July 20. Right now there is much paperwork to be done. We went through our pictures last night, we are supposed to have 50-60 to give our social worker to create our profile. The problem with our picture? Half of them had alcohol! I don't think any birth-mother would like to think she is giving her child to a bunch of alcoholics! It just happens that most of our pictures are taken with our friends at social functions where there is alcohol. We are going to have to do some serious photoshopping! I know we have a long wait ahead of us and a lot to prepare for! I told Hunter he has to leave out his "Monkey Boy" and his "Bull Dance" stories out when we meet with the social worker! Can you imagine if everyone had to go through all this to have a baby?? Hopefully our police records will come back clean - ha! ha! The good news is, we get the "pregnancy" without gaining any of the weight!

Another BFFN!

Not much to say other than it is negative. More later...

Waiting and waiting and waiting and...

oh yeah, let's wait some more. Well I am on the down hill slide now with the 2ww. Not much going on other than just waiting. The OHSS has gotten better which I am thinking is not a good sign. The RE told me it would get worse if I got pg. I am still bloated, just not nearly as bad and I am having cramping on and off and breast tenderness on and off. So what does all this mean? Probably not a thing. So, I am desperately trying to reserve judgement on this cycle and just see what happens at our beta on Wednesday. Hunter has forbidden me to POAS and just wait for the official results from the RE. UGH...I just want to be prepared if it is going to be negative. So, I think I have decided to have the RE call Hunter with the results. If it is negative, I would much rather hear it from my hubby than from the doctor. Of course I am trying to remain positive but with everything that went wrong this cycle it is kind of hard at times. So, what will we do if it is negative? We are getting the heck out of dodge and going somewhere tropical. Since we will be getting a nice check back from the RE I think we deserve it! After that who knows?? The 3rd time was supposed to be it for us, but now that it is here I am not quite ready to throw in the towel. Other things to distract ourselves during this 2ww - home improvement! Which mostly means Hunter has been working his rear-end off since I can't really do much to help him. Our guest bathroom is starting to look live-able again and hopefully we will have a nice new tile counter top by the end of the week. It is wonderful being married to such a handy man! Saturday I went for lunch and pedis with some fellow IFers which was great!! We had a fabulous time. It is great to know I have so much support out there! Hopefully we will have something to celebrate on Wednesday!

It has been a bumpy ride, but...

we are home with 4 on board. Granted 2 of them looked pretty shabby, but we have nicknamed the lot of them "scrappy" in the hopes that we have at least one fighter bean that hangs with us for the long haul. The OHSS is still in full effect and I look like I swallowed a watermelon. Of course the RE promised that it will get worse before it gets better, especially if I get pg. I will take 2 or 3 watermelons if it means we get a baby out of the deal!! The moms have both been here this weekend which has been a lifesaver. My house is clean and all my laundry has been done...what wonderful mothers! I can only hope to be as good a mother as they are. I will update more tomorrow on the whole experience but the couch is calling my name!

ER Complete and OHSS!

After 2 more liters of fluid in the RE's office my ER is finally complete. We only got 8 eggs which I am quite disappointed by considering they had been telling me all along that it looked like I had about 15 and I was on twice the dose that I had been on in my last two cycles. To go along with the wonderful stomach bug I have I also have OHSS, great! My stomach looks like I am about 5 mths pg and that is after the RE drained a lot of the fluid during the retrieval. I thought Good Friday was supposed to be our good omen for our 3rd and likely final IVF. I know it only takes one and I need to concentrate on thinking the positive thoughts right now. We should hear from our fert report tomorrow morning so I am praying that the majority of our little egglets fertilize. We are likely going in for a 3 day transfer on Saturday, but it all depends on how the little ones are growing. If you are the religious kind, any prayers you can offer would be greatly appreciated! One great thing about today, I am finally keeping some food down...granted it is only soup but it sure tasted good!

Triggered in the ED last night...

What a miserable past couple of days! Sunday night Hunter came down with some sort of stomach bug or food poisoning and then lucky me got it yesterday morning. Well by 8:00 last night after I hadn't kept anything down, not even water, for 24 hours Hunter took me to the ED. Of course my ER is supposed to be tomorrow so I had to trigger last night at 11:30 - believe me I got questioned pretty hard by the nurse when I pulled out my syringe. So after 12 hours in the ED, 4 bags of fluid, and lots of nausea medicine I came home this morning. One neat thing was the physician who took care of me the in ED had actually gone through IVF so she knew what I was dealing with and even called my RE to let him know what was going on. As of right now he says we are still a go for ER tomorrow, but my fever has gone up today instead of going down. The good news is that I have kept some chicken soup down for a couple of hours now. While I hate to throw away $3,000 on meds, I also hate to go forward with this cycle when things aren't as good as they could be??? So now I am just waiting on the RE to call me back and then I guess we will go from there. This just sucks! We have had the best response this time than we have ever had over 15 follicles and my last E2 was over 2,100. What timing, huh??

Nothing like an early morning wanding

to get the day started! My u/s this morning revealed a few more follies than we had on Tuesday. Right now we have about 14...7 on each side. Luckily they are all pretty much measuring the same (b/t 11 & 12). Isn't there some saying about slow and steady winning the race? Haven't gotten my E2 yet as they were quite busy this morning so it will probably be late afternoon before they call. I go back on Monday and hopefully will trigger on Monday or Tuesday for an ER on Wednesday or Thursday. Since we are going a little slower than I anticipated I have to order more drugs. My knocked up buddy from my Mind/Body group has graciously offered me her left over Follistim. Hopefully they are some lucky drugs...although I feel like I should be meeting her in a dark alley to make the exchange. We have a pretty low-key weekend planned. My body is pretty tired and bloated, so sleep and rest are my friend right now. No early signs up hyperstimulation which is great news!! All in all I am feeling pretty positive right now. Happy Friday to all!!

Not cooking as much as I thought...

They ran my E2 this morning (from yesterday's appt) and it only came back at 125??? Last time on a lower dose my first E2 was over 200. Who knows...my body is probably just rebelling from all the drugs. They are increasing my dose from 300 to 450 which means more $$$ for drugs. Guess I need to plant me another money tree, huh? They pushed my next u/s and b/w back to Friday so hopefully my levels will be much beter by then.

We are just getting cookin'!

Good news today from my 1st u/s! We have about 11 follicles so far...5 on the right and 6 on the left. We go back on Thursday and should be adding the Antagon and Menopur as long as everything looks good and my E2 levels are rising appropriately. Dr. C also told me not to take any more of my allergy medicine...UGH! My poor nose is running like a faucet with all this pollen. It is for a good cause though and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize this cycle. They also wrote off the $1K Assisted Hatching charge from my last cycle that we didn't even know anything about until we got the bill in the mail. I hate to be a difficult patient, but I just had a problem paying for something that no one told me about! They made sure to cover their bases this time though so we owe them another $1K for this cycle. It is only money, right?! If this cycle works I am sure we won't even think about it. Let's hope things keep cookin'!!

IVF#3 Officially Underway!

After much discussion about my "less than ideal" lining and no period for 46, yes 46 days IVF#3 is officially underway. AF FINALLY decided to show her face on Friday just in time for me to start stims on schedule. Good Friday was supposed to be my good omen so I was freaking out a bit about my body not cooperating, but luckily for me at the last minute it all worked out. Friday night I started 300ius of Gonal-F. So far so good, just a little bloated and crampy which is to be expected. Hopefully there will be lots of little egglets cooking when I go back for my u/s on Tuesday.

Give me a break!

90% of the time I am amazed by the nurses that I come into contact with. They have been compassionate, caring, understanding...you name it. Well the past week I have definitely been dealing with the other 10%! It all started with my annual GYN exam last Thursday. My absolute favorite NP left the infertility practice that I am going to and has joined an OBGYN practice. Since she has been such a wonderful source of support to Hunter and I through this whole journey I followed her to the land of the fertile. Of course I walk in the practice and am immediately greeted by a waiting room full of "fertiles"...but like I said, it was my choice to go there so I knew what to expect. Well the nurse calls me back to take my medical history ... pretty much everything under the sun since I was a new patient. So of course one of the questions is "Have you had any pregnancies?" Yes. "Deliveries?" No, two miscarriages. At that point she realized that I was on CD38 so she thought it was a grand idea for me to take a pregnancy test. Give me a break! It was quite humorous actually...she actually believed it might be positive - ha! So after another battery of questions I again get the question "Have you had any pregnancies?" Yes. (Trying not to look at her like an idiot) "Deliveries?" No, two miscarriages. (Really? Didn't you already write that down somewhere??) Once again there is a whole other battery of questions...family history of illness, etc. The the really kicker "How old are your two children?" Once again for the 3rd time, they were miscarriages. (Are you f***ing kidding me??? Give me a break!) I didn't even get a sorry from her on that. I do realize that not everyone understands, or should understand this whole world of IF, but give me a break.

So now it is a new week and I am starting fresh. This is the week that I start stims (I hope!). First thing Monday morning I call the REs office to get my prescriptions for this cycle filled. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, but who wants to turn loose of that kind of $$ before they have to?? The nurse does get points for calling me back pretty quickly (within 3 hrs...that is quick at my REs office). The first thing she says to me is "I didn't look at your chart, what meds do you need?" Uhh...Well I think Gonal-F, Menopur, etc. but since I don't have my protocol I don't know for sure. (Once again, are you kidding me? You are the nurse, you are supposed to be telling me what I need. How hard it is to look at my chart before you call me back...all of their stuff is on EMR so it isn't even like they had to go looking for a paper chart) "Well I guess I should talk to Dr. M before I call in your prescription." That sounds like a good idea (and why couldn't you have done that before you just wasted my time?). Well I made the call to the pharmacy to arrange delivery and find out exactly how big a chunk of change I was going to have to shell out and believe it or not the nurse had called in some of the prescriptions wrong! Why should I be surprised?! Hopefully they have it all squared away now and my drug dealer (aka the FedEx man) will be visiting me on Thursday.

What a way to start my 3rd IVF...smooth sailing, huh?

Return from Slackerville

Yes, I have been MIA for a few weeks. A lot of you can probably relate to the need for a mental break from all things IF. Our last cycle was pretty rough so it was kind of nice to just take a couple of steps back and really look at our plan.

Since I last wrote we have been to a couple of adoption seminars. The first one was at an agency that specializes in open domestic adoptions. We learned a lot, but I am just not sure how much "openness" I am comfortable with. The second was an adoption fair that was sponsored by a local church. They had different break out sessions so we went to the domestic and the financial sessions. The domestic session was run by an agency that won't work with a couple if both work outside the home. WTF? As if we could afford any of this if both of us didn't work!! The financial session was great. Who knew there was so much free money out there? All that said, the adoption process just seems so long and daunting at the moment. Of course if it leads us to the child we are meant to have then by all means it is all worth it.

Outside of IF things have been really good. We have definitely been keeping busy with work, traveling, etc. It is kind of nice to have some down time and not be confined by doctor appointments, shots, etc.

Our 3rd and final(?) IVF is quickly approaching, or at least we think it is. Of course AF is not cooperating so we may get pushed back a couple of weeks. Why is it when we don't want her to come she shows up in full force and when we actually want her to make an appearance she is no where to be found?? I talked to the doctor this morning and he mentioned putting me on progesterone and estrogen until April 2 and that may allow me to stay on schedule to start stims on April 6. Never heard of that protocol before, but hey it may be worth a try. I am all up for skipping those evil BCPs if at all possible!!

Congratulations to several of my previous cycle buddies on their sweet little bun or buns in the oven! Hopeful Mother, Faith, and Carol all have been blessed with twins and Susan has one sweet little bun in the oven.

Hopefully several more of us will join the happily knocked up ranks soon!

Coming out of the fog...

After being on an emotional roller coaster for the past two weeks I think the fog is starting to lift. Obviously, Hunter and I were both crushed by the outcome of this cycle, but we are trying to look ahead and start to get our plan in place for our 3rd and final IVF as well as starting to register for a couple of adoption seminars. We had our follow up consult with Dr. M on Wednesday and as expected, he couldn't really offer us any real reasons why this cycle ended in miscarriage. Although we still don't really have any answers, we now have an official diagnosis other than "unexplained"...it is now ovarian dysfunction. And what exactly does that mean? Who the hell knows?! He didn't try and push us to consider egg donation which I was quite shocked by. Since we did the cycle refund plan, if we don't get knocked up on the next cycle they have to give us our money back. So it would be to his benefit to do everything possible to see that we do get pregnant. He kept telling us that he thought it was an egg quality issue, but none of my tests support that and he isn't pushing us to do egg donation so I really have to wonder if he really knows??? For our next cycle he isn't going to change much other than my stim dosage...we are going to be starting at 300ius of Gonal-F versus the 150ius that we started with last time. I have never been on that high of a dosage before so hopefully the egg cup will be running over. He also wants to be more aggressive with the amount we put back (wasn't 4 aggressive?)...the number 6 and 7 were mentioned (BIG GULP). Obviously since I can't hold on to one, the chances are very slim that I would actually get pregnant with anything more than twins even with that large a number of embryos...still it is a little scary. Looks like we will be starting stims for our final IVF on April 6 which just happens to be "Good Friday", hopefully that is a good omen about how the cycle will go. In the meantime, we have registered for two adoption seminars. I am pretty excited about it. At least we know that with adoption it is a "sure" thing, but I am still struggling a bit with not having a biological child. It is hard to believe that after 3 years of trying and treatments that this will really be our last try for a biological child.

Beta # 4 = Game Over

Beta #4 came in at only 34. The damn stork has tricked us again! Dr. M advised us to stop the PIO injections and let nature take its' course. I have already started bleeding so my HCG must have dropped pretty fast. Needless to say we are both emotionally and physically exhausted after this last week. There have been many mini-meltdowns over the last week, but I am still waiting for the big one to hit. It will probably be when I least expect it and at the most inopportune time. Right now we are both kind of numb. Our follow-up with Dr. M is tomorrow afternoon so hopefully he can give us some kind of insight as to why this happened. There probably isn't a really good answer, there is a lot the doctors still just don't know...especially when you fall into the "unexplained" category. This is SO not fair, as I am sure many of you know, and it just SUCKS! Next time that old stork gets close I think I will pluck out a few of his tail feathers and see how he likes getting messed with!

Still in beta HELL!

So here is the run-down so far:

Beta #1 (11dp3dt) - 12.4
Beta #2 (12dp3dt) - 18.1
Beta #3 (14dp3dt) - 27
Beta #4 - scheduled for Monday which will be 17dp3dt

Given the less than 60% increase between Beta #2 and Beta #3, it isn't looking good. In case I haven't already said this (which I am sure I have a million times) this just plain SUCKS. Damn stork!

Officially in beta Hell!

That damn stork is playing tricks on us again! I am officially in beta hell! My beta came back positive, but the level is only 12.4 so it isn't looking too good that this will be a viable pregnancy. So...I had already prepared myself for the negative after the HPT, but I had not prepared myself for this. They want me to come back tomorrow and see if the number is going up or down, so I guess I still in beta limbo (i.e. hell). Any positive thoughts or prayers you can spare would be greatly appreciated!!

Edited to add: I am currently 11dp3dt.

Back to reality

We had a wonderful mini-weekend getaway! The beach was chilly, but absolutely gorgeous. Of course we planned everything around the food we wanted to eat, but isn't that what you're supposed to do on vacation? Saturday lunch was at Dockside and it was yummy as ever. The best part of eating there are the bloody mary's which or course I couldn't partake in. I did sneak a couple of sips of Hunter's though. It was so nice to sit by the water and watch all the boats go by. As we both wondered, why do we live in Raleigh??? Most of Saturday afternoon we lounged around the condo are were complete bums! The condo had a great view of the ocean so it was very peaceful and relaxing. Saturday night we ate at the Oceanic. It was good, but not great. If I get a $25 filet mignon, I expect something pretty darn good and it was just so-so. I did break down and get a glass of wine. It was SOOO good. No judgements please. I know plenty of women who have gotten quite inebriated right before they found out they were knocked up and their children weren't born with an extra toe or anything funky like that! Sunday the plan was to head to Taste of Country. You know how it is when you just have yourself completely psyched up for something, so much so that you can already taste it?? Well we get there and it is CLOSED. Not just closed for the day, but closed altogether! What?! That place is a legend (IMO of course)!!! UGH! So we settled for Elijah's, which was good, but just not the same!! So all in all it was a great weekend and definitely needed to prepare me for the negative HPT that I got this morning. I pretty much expected as much given my lack of symptoms, but we were stilling hoping that those symptoms were wrong. WTF??? We thought we had a pretty good shot given the fact that we transferred 4 and one of those 4 was pretty much picture perfect. It isn't officially over until the Beta test tomorrow, but I am not really holding out too much hope. At this point it is just hard to hope only to be crushed again. Dr. M is probably going to tell us that although all of my tests have been normal, my eggs are crap and we should consider donor eggs. Of course that means at minimum another $3,000 out of pocket for a child that wouldn't be biologically mine, although it would be biologically Hunter's - how do you make that kind of decision??? I just want to be a mom and Hunter deserves to be a dad, is that too much to ask???

Recharging

Only 3 more days to go until the official beta test. Still not feeling any different than I have before so who knows. Hunter decided (with no help from me of course) that it would be a GREAT idea to take me down to the beach for a little relaxing and re-charging. It will be nice to get away from all things IF and just be a normal couple for the weekend. If this cycle turns out to be a bust we will be heading for our 3rd and final fresh IVF cycle. We didn't end up with any frosties this go round so I guess that really says something about my egg quality. Oh well, we can worry about that after our nice, relaxing weekend at the beach - a little salt air cures everything!

Officially in the 2ww slump!

Okay, so I stole this list from Carol @ http://whatifthis.blogspot.com/ , but it seemed fitting at this point in my 2ww and I wasn't feeling very creative on my own! Congratulations to Carol, she is officially PG and has conquered the mean IF monster!!

Typical early pregnancy symptoms:
Tender, swollen breasts or nipples – a little tender, but is most likely a side effect of the PIO
Darkening of the areola – no
Blue veins in breasts - of course there are, how can you be as pale as I am and not see blue veins? There aren't any more than usual though.
Fatigue – yep, but that is nothing new.
Sleeplessness – nope, still sleeping through the night.
Slight bleeding or spotting – nope.
Slight cramping – yep, started on Monday which was 3dp3dt, but I had cramping with my previous 2 cycles and we all know how they ended up.
Nausea with or without vomiting – nope.
Food aversions or cravings – i am picky, but no more than usual.
Changes in taste and smell – nope.
Heartburn or indigestion – nope.
Constipation – nope.
Frequent urination – yep, but once again this happened the last 2 times.
Headaches – I always seem to have a headache, but most likely from all the drugs.
Faintness/dizziness – a little dizziness last night, but was accompanied by a headache so who knows???
Mood swings – of course I don't think so, but Hunter would probably disagree with me. I could probably cry at the drop of a hat, or a wrong look, or just about anything else under the sun.
Increase in basal body temp – wouldn't know...

So there you have it, a whole lot of stuff that doesn't mean much at this point. I am trying very hard to stay positive but given the fact that my symptoms (or lack of) are pretty much the same as the last 2 times, I am finding it very hard. Luckily I have my Mind/Body class tonight which should help me get my emotions back in check (at least for a couple of days anyway). Anybody have any good ideas for major distractions??? Maybe Hunter should take me to the beach this weekend :-)

Aren't we cute?

And yes, I wore pearls to my transfer...

We have 4 safely on board!

The transfer went great today! We now have 4 embies safely at home. The babysitter was pretty pleased overall. They were all at the 8-cell stage this morning and there was one excellent, one great, and two so-so. We have 6 still growing that they will let grow until day 5 or 6 and see what they look like, they didn't seem very optimistic that we would have any to freeze though. The ones that are still growing are showing a lot more signs of fragmentation. The best one is the one that is with the picture of 3 and it is on the bottom left. Let the symptom obsessing being!

We still have 10!!

We got good news from the babysitter this morning, all 10 of our little embies have gone through the first replication process and are all 4-5 cells which is right where they are supposed to be! Whew - one hurdle down! We have 3 embies that are looking great and 7 that are beginning to show signs of fragmentation. I am a little bummed about the 7, but very grateful that we have 3 that are looking really good. Our ET is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9. The "pee pee" dance will commence at approximately 8:45, anyone care to join in? There is a full moon tomorrow...

Finally - Fert Report In!

We FINALLY got great news from our fert report!! Out of 12 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature, and 10 fertilized normally through ICSI. This is 2 more than we had with our first fresh IVF cycle so we are excited. The babysitter seemed very pleased with how they were looking so far. We really won't have a good indication of quality until they undergo their first replication tonight. Hopefully we will get a good update on the little ones tomorrow. Our ET will be on Friday and they are planning to transfer 4 (assuming we have that many make it). The likelihood of all 4 implanting is pretty slim, but who knows. It is all up to the man upstairs at this point. Thanks for all of your support in getting us to this point!

This waiting thing really SUCKS!

Our ER went really well yesterday. They got 12 eggs which is pretty much what we were expecting. It is now 11:30 and I am STILL waiting to hear the fertilization report. Waiting is the hardest part...UGH! I keep reminding myself that we were 4th in line yesterday and that they had some more ERs this morning so they are probably just busy. The waiting part just sucks, because if you are like me, you can come up with all sorts of stories ( + and -) about why they haven't called yet. I am feeling pretty good today (other than obsessing of course), not too sore. No paid meds yet today, although the Tylenol#3 was a life-saver yesterday!! Hopefully I will have an update pretty soon...

A "Needle-less" Day!

Woo-hoo! No shots today!! That is the nice thing about the day before ER, no shots, all I have to do is start taking my Z-Pack. Yippee for small victories! Of course the big needle comes out tomorrow. Hunter gets WAY too excited about shooting me in the rear!

Look out Stork, here we come!

After 9 days on stims and my ovaries feeling like they are about to burst, I will be triggering tonight at 11:00. I went in Saturday for another u/s and b/w and then today just for b/w. My mom went with me to my Saturday morning appointment and she said my follicles looked like Hershey's Kisses on the screen. I don't think I will ever look at a Hershey's Kiss the same again. They were also training a new nurse on Saturday so there were 4 people besides me in the room. I guess it really is a team sport at this point isn't it?? So...we trigger tonight and then ER is on Tuesday morning at 11:00. They are expecting to get 12 mature follicles so I am keeping my fingers crossed that they all behave between now and then! Our ET will most likely be on Friday. Dr. M thought that a 3dt would be better sine he has some concerns about our embryo quality. Wish us luck!

Simmering Along...

We had our 2nd u/w & b/w today and things are moving along. It is looking like we have about 12 follies and they are all measuring between 12 & 13. The RE did make the comment that I probably have a bit more ovarian dysfunction than they originally thought because of the way that I am responding. I guess based on my combination of meds they thought I would have had more follies to begin with. They are increasing my Gonal-F to 225 ius at least for the next couple of days. We will go back for another monitoring appointment on Saturday. I am kind of thinking that we may trigger on Monday for a Wednesday ER but we will see. I am really starting to feel the effects of all the drugs now, I think I could sleep for 12 or 15 hours straight and the bloating is starting to get worse. The sucky part is that I am going to have to order some more drug...another $500 bucks out the door!

Just gettin' cookin'!

Well I started off my birthday with my feet in stirrups this morning! Luckily the news was good and for my birthday I got about 10-12 follies that are cooking right along as they should be. They are all pretty much growing at the same rate and my E2 was 232.17 which they seemed to be really happy with. I always get confused what the numbers should be at each stage. They are going to turn up the juice a bit and I will be on 150 Gonal-F and continue on the 75 of Menopur and then add the Antagon tomorrow. Thursday I will go back for another u/s and b/w to see how things are moving. As of right now all systems are go and we are moving right along. Two of my cycle buddies at my REs office got canceled today (one for overstimming - her E2 was over 1300 on Day 4 and one for not producing enough) so I am thankful that we are on track.

The Ironies of Infertility

A fellow "IF"er posted this and I thought it was worth sharing...sometimes you just have to laugh!

1. Birth Control Pills. These little pills stopped us from getting pregnant when we were younger, who would have guessed that many of us may never have needed to take them in the first place! Also, I find it completely ironic that I begin each IVF cycle having to take them!
2. Looking forward to getting our period so that we can actually begin our stimming!
3. Needles. The thing I was scared of most as a child, is what is going to be vital in giving me a child of my own!
4. that peeing on a stick could be a husband/wife event (pg or ovulation)
5. that your period is a social event to be discussed.
6. Picking up a prescription for the birth control pill at the pharmacy (for your IVF cycle) while picking up pre-natal vitamens at the same time...and the pharmacist looks at you like you have 2 heads!
7. Getting the call that you have a BFN as you're watching the Maury Povich show about a drug-addicted prostitute who wants a paternity test.
8. I use to tell my friends who were having trouble conceiving not to worry that if they cant get pg, they can always adopt. NOW they are the one's with the baby's and I may be on my way to adoption.
9. Deathly afraid of blood work, yet I went to RE for 19 days for us and blood work just to have a baby.
10. Hating to get an annual pap and now every possible intsrument has been shoved up me in the past year!
11. In the first 3 yrs of my marriage when i was still studying, i freaked out if AF was late even by 3 days and the moment it came it was a moment of joy and the first thing i did was call DH. Now all prayers are to ensure that AF doesnt come and I get PG instead.
12. We used to be very careful about who we spread our legs for and now it seems like every Tom, Dick and Harry has seen us in a comprising position..with stirrups nonetheless!
13. The big "O" no longer refers to orgasm, but rather ovulation...
14. Before starting this process, I had wicked PMS symptoms and was trying to work with my doctor to alleviate some of my anxiety, cravings, bitchiness, and depression during the 2 weeks after ovulation. Now I purposely induce all of these symptoms, so I can have them for 4 weeks instead of 2. Go figure!!!The things we do
15. I think I could drop my pants for practically anyone now... modesty is out the window...
16. and I love explaining to a regular physician that I am doing IVF and that I am on Birth Control Pills....

I think the needle won...

Well, as you can see, the first shot didn't go too well. I think I need to see if I can find some smaller needles!

Game On!

We had our baseline u/s and b/w this morning and all is quiet on the ovarian front so we are good to go to start our stims tonight! We will be doing 75ius of Menopur and 75ius of Gonal-F. Our next monitoring visit will be on Tuesday to see how things are cooking. Assuming I have "taken off" they will add Antagon on Wednesday to keep me from having a premature LH surge. The nurse told me this morning that they have also decided to add Prednisone to the protocol to be taken after retrieval...supposedly there is some new study that shows that it helps with implantation. Hey - whatever it takes to get those little buggers to stick!!

How much of an idiot can one person be? (Warning - Vent ahead)

So I have this employee who isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, probably pretty darn near to the dullest tool in the shed in all actuality. She is 26 years old, still goes out almost every night, has a different flavor of the week every week (and is proud of it), can't manage her money, and the list goes on...I think you can get the picture. Right before Christmas she almost passed out at work, of course I was concerned so I sent her home and told her to go to the doctor and get checked out. Well of course the story that I got was that they couldn't find anything wrong with her...blah, blah, blah. The rumor mill runs rampant around these parts so another employee, who knows everything I have been through trying to have a baby, thought she ought to fill me in on the real story before I got caught off-guard. Turns out the little hoochie was pregnant and had an abortion. She wasn't even using birth control, hello??? Assuming you aren't baby making challenged like I am, what the hell do you think is going to happen?? Not to mention what else she probably has to go along with it! The really sad part is, what she was most upset about was not being able to have sex for 3 weeks. Give me a break, I have no sympathy, compassion, or patience for someone who thinks an abortion is just a convenient means of birth control. Grow up, be responsible and think of the millions of people out there who would give their right arm to have what you just destroyed.

It's just like Christmas...

only with a lot of drugs and needles! My drug dealer (aka the Fed Ex woman) arrived on Saturday with my box of goodies. It looks like I could open up my own pharmacy. For the stimulation phase I got 5 boxes of Menopur, 5 boxes of Antagon, and 1 box of Gonal-F. Of course all 2 of these are injections which you can't mix together. So I will be taking 3 injections daily during the stimulation phase. Can you say pin cushion? For my trigger shot I got 1 box of Ovidrel which I will take exactly 36 hours (and they mean EXACTLY) before my retrieval. Before retrieval I also be on a Z-Pack to fight off infection, after all I guess it is technically surgery. At retrieval I will begin Estrace, Baby Aspirin, PIO (Hunter gets WAY too excited about this one), and Tylenol 3 w/codeine (for all the pain they inflict on my poor little-well big by that time-ovaries). And all of this came for the low, low price of $1,700, which is actually pretty cheap given that some have to spend $3,000 on meds for each cycle. Let the games begin!

On Island Time...

And they wonder why they didn't catch any fish?! The poor things were probably scared to death when they saw this motley crew, but hey...they were having a good time and that is what New Year's and Birthdays are all about right? This past weekend we headed to Ocracoke Island, NC (our idea of Heaven on Earth) to celebrate New Year's and my dear hubby's 30th birthday with 2 other couples. Yes, I snagged me a younger man...of course he likes to think of me as the "older woman", hmmm). A grand time was had by all, we had the full bellies and hangovers (some more than others, but I'm not mentioning any names!) to prove it! If only Island Time could last forever...

Foreshadowing...or just plain Rude?

New Year's Eve I had several interesting run ins in the women's bathroom. We decided to ring in the New Year at the Ocracoke Community Center...it was $20 per person for food, open bar, and the Ocracoke Rockers. You can't beat that! So, given that it was open bar and I could have all the Cape Cods I wanted nature called quite often. My first trip to the bathroom was pretty uneventful, but then the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th trips for full of adventure. My 2nd trip there was a lady sitting on the throne with the door wide open. Keep in mind that there were doors with locks on the stalls! She looks up and says "Hi" like it is the most normal thing in the world. My 3rd trip there is this lady in one of the stalls (with the door closed, thankfully) singing Joan Jett at the top of her lungs. My 4th and final trip is where the foreshadowing or just plain rude comes in. I am standing at the sink washing my hands when this chick comes up beside me and pats my stomach and says "What a sweet little baby in there". Okay, you see the picture...do I look pregnant?! Also, I do not think I would be throwing back Cape Cods if I were. If only she knew how much I wish she were right and that that really was a little baby pooch. It was an innocent enough comment, but to someone in my shoes it was just a reminder that what comes so easily to many others, isn't so easy for us. Of course my dear hubby, trying to make me feel better of course, says she must be some kind of witch who can predict the future - ha! I guess my New Year's resolution should have been to lose some weight!