Monday, February 12, 2007

Back to reality

We had a wonderful mini-weekend getaway! The beach was chilly, but absolutely gorgeous. Of course we planned everything around the food we wanted to eat, but isn't that what you're supposed to do on vacation? Saturday lunch was at Dockside and it was yummy as ever. The best part of eating there are the bloody mary's which or course I couldn't partake in. I did sneak a couple of sips of Hunter's though. It was so nice to sit by the water and watch all the boats go by. As we both wondered, why do we live in Raleigh??? Most of Saturday afternoon we lounged around the condo are were complete bums! The condo had a great view of the ocean so it was very peaceful and relaxing. Saturday night we ate at the Oceanic. It was good, but not great. If I get a $25 filet mignon, I expect something pretty darn good and it was just so-so. I did break down and get a glass of wine. It was SOOO good. No judgements please. I know plenty of women who have gotten quite inebriated right before they found out they were knocked up and their children weren't born with an extra toe or anything funky like that! Sunday the plan was to head to Taste of Country. You know how it is when you just have yourself completely psyched up for something, so much so that you can already taste it?? Well we get there and it is CLOSED. Not just closed for the day, but closed altogether! What?! That place is a legend (IMO of course)!!! UGH! So we settled for Elijah's, which was good, but just not the same!! So all in all it was a great weekend and definitely needed to prepare me for the negative HPT that I got this morning. I pretty much expected as much given my lack of symptoms, but we were stilling hoping that those symptoms were wrong. WTF??? We thought we had a pretty good shot given the fact that we transferred 4 and one of those 4 was pretty much picture perfect. It isn't officially over until the Beta test tomorrow, but I am not really holding out too much hope. At this point it is just hard to hope only to be crushed again. Dr. M is probably going to tell us that although all of my tests have been normal, my eggs are crap and we should consider donor eggs. Of course that means at minimum another $3,000 out of pocket for a child that wouldn't be biologically mine, although it would be biologically Hunter's - how do you make that kind of decision??? I just want to be a mom and Hunter deserves to be a dad, is that too much to ask???


Inglewood said...

No judgement from me on the wine. I had a pint when my friend visited on the 2ww with this pregnancy. I had thought for sure it was a bust.

Sorry to hear about the negative HPT. As for making decisions, it is always hard but if your goal is to be a mom, the decision seems to be made? I know it is not really as simple as that, sometimes it helps, or at least it does for me, to boil it down to the base parts.

Carol said...

Glad you had a nice relaxing weekend, but sorry about the HPT. Just a tiny bit of assvice - even though you didnt ask - but 2 fresh cycles seems premature to be giving an egg quality diagnosis. If your RE tries really hard to push you to donor at this point, my assvice would be that you get a second opinion.

But hopefully your HPT was wrong and you'll get a positive beta tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

As the mom of the infertility challanged couple my heart goes out to those that are having the same problem.
She is the child of an infertility mother.
You never give of hope to be a mom no matter what the mathod may be.
My heart goes out ot all that experience this.
There is nothing more heart wrenching than to wish every month that the ellusive stork will stop by your house instead of someone that does not want children or cannot afford them or the ones that abort them without so much as a single thought to the people that would love for the stork to visit them
My advice to anyone that is going through this is to keep chin up and someday the Lord will bless you in some way for a child.
The hardest thing to let go of is our will and not ours .
It has to be in His time.
I waited 8 years for you Peter dumpling.
My love and hope go out to all those that are in the same situation that I was in and now my daughter.
This is something that I never wanted to pass on to my child
With much love and prayer to all of you especially my wonderful daughter and son.

Hopeful Mother said...

I will keep the hope up for you and Hunter, Angi. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping for a nice surprise!

Susan said...

Hey Angi,
I'm so sorry about the negative. IF brings with it so many difficult questions. I hope that you and your husband are able to find answers that work for you. But, don't necessarily give up on your eggs just yet... if you are getting good embryos, I think that usually means good I guess I agree with Carol's assvice. I'll be thinkin of you tomorrow.