Friday, February 23, 2007

Coming out of the fog...

After being on an emotional roller coaster for the past two weeks I think the fog is starting to lift. Obviously, Hunter and I were both crushed by the outcome of this cycle, but we are trying to look ahead and start to get our plan in place for our 3rd and final IVF as well as starting to register for a couple of adoption seminars. We had our follow up consult with Dr. M on Wednesday and as expected, he couldn't really offer us any real reasons why this cycle ended in miscarriage. Although we still don't really have any answers, we now have an official diagnosis other than "unexplained" is now ovarian dysfunction. And what exactly does that mean? Who the hell knows?! He didn't try and push us to consider egg donation which I was quite shocked by. Since we did the cycle refund plan, if we don't get knocked up on the next cycle they have to give us our money back. So it would be to his benefit to do everything possible to see that we do get pregnant. He kept telling us that he thought it was an egg quality issue, but none of my tests support that and he isn't pushing us to do egg donation so I really have to wonder if he really knows??? For our next cycle he isn't going to change much other than my stim dosage...we are going to be starting at 300ius of Gonal-F versus the 150ius that we started with last time. I have never been on that high of a dosage before so hopefully the egg cup will be running over. He also wants to be more aggressive with the amount we put back (wasn't 4 aggressive?)...the number 6 and 7 were mentioned (BIG GULP). Obviously since I can't hold on to one, the chances are very slim that I would actually get pregnant with anything more than twins even with that large a number of embryos...still it is a little scary. Looks like we will be starting stims for our final IVF on April 6 which just happens to be "Good Friday", hopefully that is a good omen about how the cycle will go. In the meantime, we have registered for two adoption seminars. I am pretty excited about it. At least we know that with adoption it is a "sure" thing, but I am still struggling a bit with not having a biological child. It is hard to believe that after 3 years of trying and treatments that this will really be our last try for a biological child.


Anonymous said...

Hi Angi,
My name is Allison, live in NC and am a new reader to your blog. I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work for you. A good friend is also at CC. She's on her 3 inj/IUI. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you on the next cycle. A Good Friday transfer sounds wonderful. Another friend that I think you know from BB (Jennc) was a poor responder. They transferred 4 embies and now she's pg with twins.

DH and I have also suffered with IF. (I'm an endo sufferer.) We did 2 IUI cycles and decided to move on to adoption. The fertility treatment roller coaster was just oo much for me to mentally handle. The decision to move on was the greatest decision we've ever made as a couple. We're paperchasing a child from China. I still grieve a biological child, but my desire to be a parent out-weighed the biology aspect.

Whatever you decide, please know that there are tons of ladies out here who support you. Feel free to email me at, or visit our blog at if you'd like to chat further.

Good luck with your next cycle! I will be thinking about you.


Susan said...

Everything is crossed for you.

Hopeful Mother said...

This is all so hard. It sounds like you are doing better. Wishing you both all the best in your next steps.

Stephanie said...

I hope this final effort works for you. Will be keeping my fingers crossed and praying for you.

Emily said...

Knowing that the end of the road is near is so difficult. It leaves you grieving all over again. I hope that this IVF brings so much needed success. Thinking of you.

Shelli said...

Hi Angi-
I just stumbled on your blog. I am so sorry this cycle didn't work out for you.
I too have been dealing with my own issues for the lasy couple of years (of the secondary infertility kind), and just recently started seeing an RE (since I am pushing the big 4-0).

I'm also pondering Inernational adoption. We started the paper chase but really am hoping there is a chance we can have a miracle on our own.

I hope third time is the charm for you.

Feel free to stop by my blog.

Carol said...

Glad to hear you have a plan.

An egg quality diagnosis is a tough one - I had two highly respected REs from two different clinics both tell me that it is really difficult to diagnose. There is no test for it. They best they can do is make some educated assumptions based on how your eggs and embryos have performed after a few cycles.

But sometimes this is not the case - sometimes I think it's just a game of odds, and your number hasn't come up yet. Hopefully this next cycle will do the trick for you.

The Town Criers said...

I'm sending a lot of hope to you for this upcoming cycle. I think Good Friday is a very good omen. Wishing you luck.

Nearlydawn said...

Wishing you the best Angi!

Hope 3rd time is the charm for you guys!

I'm interested in the "adoption seminars" you mentioned. If you wouldn't mind, could you email me and tell me how you went about finding these seminars?

Hubby and I are talking about plan B, and I think it would be helpful to get more information BEFORE we have to have it. :)

nearlydawn at gmail dot com