Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Question...

For those of you who have adopted and have an open/semi-open arrangement with the birthparents...do you do anything to commemorate Mother's Day for the birth/first mother? I am really struggling with it? I don't know if she would appreciate it or if it would just be too hard...

8 comments:

katd said...

Last year was our first Mother's Day and Lily was only a month old. We didn't send a card or anything because I was afraid it was all still too fresh. I was looking this year, though, and the only birth parent card at Hallmark is horrendous.
I know this doesn't help much, but I wanted you to at least know you're not alone. I'm struggling, too, especially because we haven't heard anything from her. Let us know what you decide! :)

babytoddleretc said...

I'm not a birth mom and don't have an open adoption but I might do something similar to what I would do for a daycare provider~~ I would give her a picture of your DD and maybe a thank you card (rather than a mother's day car) or blank photo card
with a short poem in it.

Lori said...

Something in writing is good because she can process at her own pace, on her own time.

My daughter's firstmom is totally fine with being remembered on Mother's Day. We call and even have her over some years.

But my son's firstmom hasn't responded to our emails/phone calls. I hope that she takes some comfort in knowing he's doing well, and in seeing photos of him. I hope these messages don't hurt her.

You just never know.

You just have to go with your heart.

tubelessstl said...

I am writing her a letter and pictures along with a mother's day card. J's birthmother has two children already and is a single parent so I know she deserves to get a card at least. I know it might stir up her emotions, but this is being sent in conjunction to our regular rourtine of letters and pictures every 3 months or so. She deserves to be recognized as a mom and who better are we to do that than anyone? I am sure if she feels uneasy about it she would let us know that. Maybe your social worker or agency can better answer this question for you, but on my side of an open adoption (that sometimes fluctuates in openess) I feel I want to honor her for being a mom!

GLouise said...

In our situation, our DD's birth mom is parenting other kids, so it didn't feel weird to send her a regular Mother's Day card. I also thanked her for allowing it to be my first Mother's Day.

I'm not sure how she would feel if she didn't have her other kids at home with her. In that case, I might have sent a "thinking of you" card.

Becky said...

I think I may have commented here before??
Today,every year, the Saturday before Mother's Day Sunday, is observed in the adoption community as Happy Birthmother's Day. We try to call each one, our contact is sporadic at best with each...due to them, not our efforts. You can search the web for Birthmother cards.
Please visit my sight, I wrote a post to honor both our bmoms. I would like to establish more contact with online adoptive moms thru my blog!
Blessings

alicia said...

What did you end up doing for mothers day?

I am Alicia! And I noticed you are my clicker :) I have recently moved from the PCOS category to the adoption category. That seems to be the way we are headed now, still doing some ifertilty stuff though. I just thought I would say hi to you! And thank you in advance for being my clicker, I can imagine its a lot of work.

Talk to you soon!

Parenthood For Me said...

Hello,
I am an adoptive parent with experience with infertility treatments- non successful. I am starting a non-profit to help those undergoing infertility and/or adopting. The non-profit will offer monetary and emotional support. Please visit my blog: http://parenthoodforme.blogspot.com. Please take the poll and pass the link on!

My personal blog is:
http://ajanderica.blogspot.com
Sincerely,
Erica Schlaefer